Wednesday, May 04, 2005

100 Things to Say While Ordering Pizza

I got this list from a Friends blog and I thought that it would be fun to post them. It's not all of them, only a few, but they made me laugh too hard!

100 Things to Do While Ordering Pizza

1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
63. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . . action!"
67. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
84. When you've been given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
88. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
100. If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."

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